I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
