What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
