Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
