maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
