Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize