I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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