Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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