Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
