Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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