I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize