they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
