Apparently you make a good broom.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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