I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
