my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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