i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I love you.
Bad choice
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
