oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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