watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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