Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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