You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
