I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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