I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
