i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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