I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
