My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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