New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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