Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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