Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
