I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
