Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
