I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
