It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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