yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
