I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
