I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
