Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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