Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
