oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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