Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize