Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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