so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It was confusing and full of hummus
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
