i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
