Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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