The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
