Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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