i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
