We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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