Soap is not a condiment
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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