The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
