I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
