yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
