I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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