Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
