Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
