Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
