I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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