I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
