It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize