So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
