also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
