What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
