we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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