whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
