They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
