I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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