Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
