Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
