You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
