In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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