I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
