Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
