Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
