He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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