who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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