Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
