i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize