OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Randomize
