So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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