I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
