it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
