I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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