FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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