i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
