then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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