Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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