the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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