Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
try to milk me bitch
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
