puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
