Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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