Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
