Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
