Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
