Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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