Can Purell be used as lube?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
