When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
