She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
