I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
