In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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