Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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