I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize