I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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