Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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