Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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