When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
