im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
