Need sex. Gaining weight.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
